IF YOU HAVE EVER WONDERED why the man in your life doesnt talk much when he gets home from work or stares endlessly at the TV, you will be delighted to know that it has little to do with whether or not he loves you.
Scientific research shows that men normally use only 7,000 words a day compared to the 16,000 words that the average woman uses daily to communicate. This means that if the man has used up his 7,000 words at the office, he has none left to use when he gets home.
So those occasional grunts that he emits in response to your questions are actually bonus words that he forces out of himself grudgingly. This hugely significant fact was presented to me during a womens leadership training workshop last week in which the trainers, Normala and her husband Philip Merry, showed women how to survive in a male-dominated work environment and helped them to identify the skills they needed to develop their leadership qualities.
Unlike most management training courses, the emphasis was not on becoming more like men in the workplace, but on using womens unique capabilities to achieve results in work environments that rely heavily on team work. The highlight of the course was an analysis of male and female brains. Since the 1990s, there has been growing evidence and research that shows that biology is, indeed, destiny, particularly in relation to communication skills.
Brain scans show that womens brains are significantly different to mens in one fundamental way their corpus callosums (the bands of tissue that link the cerebral hemispheres) are much bigger. This means that women are able to process information faster than men and have more accurate intuitive judgement, as the larger corpus callosum allows for 30 per cent more connections between the right brain (the creative, emotional side) and the left brain (the logical, rational side).
This biological fact has a significant impact on how women conduct themselves at the workplace. For instance, because women are more intuitive than men, they are more likely to pick up non-verbal cues than men. They are able to decipher what a person means through his/her body language and voice tone, and therefore are able to judge peoples feelings more accurately than men.
MEN, ON THE OTHER HAND, PREFER direct communication through words and are more likely to use quantifiers such as Never or Absolutely, which helps when they are trying to close a deal or assert authority over others, but can be disastrous when team participation is required or when the success of a project depends on how well people get along.
The larger corpus callosum also allows women to do many things simultaneously. Women are natural multi-taskers they can talk on the phone and cook dinner at the same time. Men, on the other hand, can only do one task at a time.
Which explains why men can sit in one position the whole day watching football or reading the newspaper, not doing much else. They are unable to process information from different sources simultaneously.
Although womens brains are far superior to mens, their leadership style is often perceived as unfocused, emotional and relationship-oriented, rather than results-oriented. However, more recent research shows that when it comes to negotiating skills, women are better equipped than men because their style is more collaborative than competitive.
In an article on womens negotiating strengths, Horacio Falcao from Singapore noted that womens collaborative negotiating style assumes the total cake can be enlarged to keep everyone happy as opposed to mens competitive style where there are clear winners and losers.
Unfortunately, this is regarded as a sign of weakness by many, but thankfully, the shift from male to female styles of negotiation are becoming more common in the corporate world. The other big difference is that women expect fairness and justice in their negotiations, says Falcao.
When the negotiation appears to be unfair, they are more likely than men to walk away without confronting or re-negotiating the deal. This leaves them feeling powerless. The upside is that women tend to make more ethical decisions at work than men, which means they are less likely to be corrupt, exploitative or unjust.
But when they get home, they are still confronted with the age-old dilemma: how to get their man to talk to them without switching off all the appliances.
Ms Warah is an editor with the UN. The views expressed here are her own and do not necessarily reflect those of the United Nations.
By RASNA WARAH, rasna.warah@gmail.
Source.Nation.ke