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Archive for November 27th, 2008

API wishes all our American Friends a very happy thanksgiving day

Posted by African Press International on November 27, 2008

We in API have learnt to love you all. We do not doubt your assistance and courage to succeed in that which we all are occupied with.

Many American people have requested our lawyer, who has prevailed upon API’s decision that the American people value this day and for that reason, API has been advised by our Canadian Counsel not to do anything that may cause discomfort to any family during such very important celebration.

All this In the lives of manypeopleand inthe name of many beloved Americans.

After a 10-hour meeting, it has been decided that API respects the Thanksgiving Day today by not engaging in acts that may be seen to interrupt the celebrationin any way. It is expected that every peace loving person will not take awaythe help and guidance to be provided by those who believe in the truth.

Today we have appointed a US citizen to be API’s Public Relation Officer directed to represent API’s interestsdiligently with the support of 4 other American PRO deputies.

This step has been taken in consideration with the imminent release of Mrs Michelle Obama’s taped interview.

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By API

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To all our American Friends during your thanksgiving day, from API

Posted by African Press International on November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! We wish you a wonderful Day…We thank God for giving Us the opportunity to have you all in Our lives. We know He brought us all together for a purpose!

Have a wonderful day, and let’s pray for the hand of God to be upon the release of the tape; may his will be done, and regardless of what happens We are thankfuil for his grace and mercy and unconditional love.

God bless you all!
API and Chief Editor Korir

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Somalia: Talks resume amid continuing violence

Posted by African Press International on November 27, 2008

Nairobi (Kenya) – Talks aimed at ending the conflict in Somalia have resumed in Djibouti, amid reports that dozens of civilians died in weekend violence in Mogadishu.

Sources said representatives of the Transitional Federal Government (TFG) and a faction of the Eritrea-based Alliance for the Re-liberation of Somalia (ARS), led by Sheikh Sharif Sheikh Ahmed, began the latest talks on 22 November.

The most important points under discussion were the agreement on a Justice and Reconciliation Commission and power-sharing.

Ibrahim Habeb Nur, Minister of Public Works and Housing, a member of the government delegation, told IRIN the two sides agreed on the need to set up “a commission that deals with crimes committed”. He said they had also set up a six-member committee to devise modalities of power-sharing. “The committee on power-sharing is now meeting and is expected to present its report soon.”

A power-sharing deal is expected to lead to a government of national unity, according to a local journalist.

Neither the armed wing of the Islamic Courts, the Al-Shabab group, nor the Asmara faction of the ARS, led by Sheikh Hassan Dahir, was involved in the Djibouti talks. An observer at the talks, who requested anonymity, told IRIN that the negotiations were going well but without the involvement of the armed groups waging the war inside the country, implementing any agreement “is almost impossible”.

“Neither the TFG nor the ARS-Djibouti can stop the fighting in Mogadishu. They have to find a way to convince the armed groups,” he added.

The violence erupted as a deadline for the withdrawal of Ethiopian troops from designated areas of Mogadishu expired on 21 November.

Ahmed Abdisalam, Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Information, told IRIN the fighting was “a deliberate attempt” to undermine the peace process. “There are groups that do not want peace and will do whatever it takes to undermine the whole process.”

The withdrawal, he added, was under way and would be completed. “The 21 November date is only a starting point. No one expects it to happen in one day. The whole process was supposed to take 30 days.”

Abdisalam, who was on his way to Djibouti, said talks were going well and the two sides were getting closer. Appealing to those outside the talks to come aboard, he said: “Eighteen years of fighting did not resolve our problems, why not give the talks a chance.”

But a spokesman for the Islamic Courts accused the Ethiopians of refusing to leave. “The same day they [Ethiopian troops] were supposed to withdraw, they try and expand the areas of their control,” said Sheikh Abdirihin Isse Adow.

“All we did is defend our people,” he added. “From where we stand they don’t look like they are going anywhere, and so long as they are here we will continue our struggle to liberate our country.”

According to sources in Mogadishu, at least 40 people died over the weekend and 70 were injured.

Ethiopian forces entered Somalia in December 2006 and ousted the Union of Islamic Courts, which controlled much of southern and central Somalia.

Fighting between them, Somali forces and insurgents began in early 2007, forcing an estimated one million Somalis out of their homes. According to the UN, 2.6 million Somalis need assistance. That number is expected to reach 3.5 million by the end of the year.
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API/Source.UN Integrated Regional Information Networks (IRIN) – November 24, 2008.

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DR Congo: Sabotage suspected as Kabila army battles Nkunda

Posted by African Press International on November 27, 2008

Kinshasa (DR Congo)- Government forces battling with Laurent Nkundas forces in the eastern Congo have been sabotaged from within, leading to a series of losses to the rebels.

Sources close to the government told The EastAfrican that the integration of former rebel forces into the national army following the 2002 Sun City agreement that led to the formation of a government of national unity brought former friends of Nkunda into the army.

It so happened that most of the personnel deployed in the east to stop Nkundas advances are former soldiers in the Congolese Rally for Democracy (RCD), which was backed by Rwanda and Uganda in its drive to oust the late Desire Kabila in 1998.

The sources said some commanders had been leaking information about the armys position and strength to Nkunda.

RDC initially led by the late Ernest Wamba dia Wamba was formed by Uganda and Rwanda after they grew dissatisfied with the government, and took over Goma, marking the beginning of the Second Congo War in 1998. It was the strong suspicion of sabotage that led President Joseph Kabila last week to appoint Gen Didier Etumba as the new chief of general staff to replace of Gen Dieudonne Kayembe.

The reshuffle came soon after Prime Minister Adolf Muzito toured eastern Congo where he discovered a major misappropriation of funds meant for the army. The rebels who joined the government army had little military training and are finding the going tough against the battle-hardened Nkunda forces.

At the same time, it is difficult for the government forces to man the borders of the vast country, maintain national security and fight the war against Nkunda at the same time.

As a result, Nkundas National Council for the Defence of the People (CNDP) has been enjoying a series of successes before withdrawing from Kanyabayonga and Rwindi following appeals from the international community and the summit of the Great Lakes region held in Nairobi early this month.

Despite the pullback by Nkundas forces, Congo watchers doubt the ceasefire will hold, given that Kinshasa is still reluctant to initiate direct negotiations with him. Even though UN special envoy Olusegun Obasanjo has announced that President Kabila and Nkunda are ready for dialogue without preconditions, the word from Kinshasa is that the government maintains that Nkunda should join the 22 other rebel groups in the Amani programme.

Kinshasa has always maintained that Kabila was elected democratically in 2006 and anybody who is dissatisfied with the way the country is governed must channel their grievances through the Amani programme. Kinshasa is suspicious of Nkunda given that he has been shifting positions about the cause of his rebellion.

Initially, he argued that his aim was to protect the Tutsi population in the east against attacks from the Interahamwe in Congo. He then said that he was fighting to end bad governance and threatened to match to Kinshasa to oust Kabila. Last week, Nkunda added another dimension by stating that he is fighting against Kinshasas cosy relations with China.

Given the mistrust, it will be interesting to observers to see how Kinshasa will react to Kundas proposal through Obasanjo that he and his soldiers be integrated into the Congolese army as part of the settlement.

The question is whether President Kabila will be comfortable with Nkunda in the Congolese army, in case he instigates a mutiny from within.

Nkunda refused to integrate his forces into the army after the Sun City agreement.

It appears that Kinshasas hopes now lie in the push by France for the Security Council to double the number of UN forces to act as a buffer between the protagonists. Sources close to the government said the French have been pushing Angola to deploy troops in eastern Congo to block any chances of Nkunda marching on to Kinshasa.
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API/Source.East African (Kenya) – November 24, 2008.

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Africa at large: Canada a mining superpower

Posted by African Press International on November 27, 2008

Pambazuka (South Africa) – The time when Canada’s presence on the African continent was primarily characterised by numerous missionaries and food donations is well and truly over! In countries such as Congo, Mali and Tanzania, when it is learned that you are from Canada, you are immediately asked if you work for the mining, a perception entirely consistent with reality. Canada is now a superpower in the African mining sector, a position the country intends to maintain and develop using all means at its disposal.

The salient presence of Canadian mining is relatively new in Africa and is rooted principally in the programmes of liberalisation of the sector from the early 1990s. These programmes have been driven by the World Bank, which from 1992(1) had begun defining the extractive sector as the main engine of development for many countries.(2) The privatisation of state enterprise promoted as a means of encouraging the entry of foreign investment has opened the door to foreign companies. At the head of this development, especially with regard to the smaller exploration companies known as juniors, are Canadian companies. These companies have an immense commercial presence in Canada: of the 1,223 mining companies listed on the Toronto Stock Exchange, the largest in the country, more than 1,000 are juniors!(3)

Currently, according to the Ministry of Natural Resources Canada (NRC), only the Republic of South Africa, with over 35% of assets and investments, is just ahead of Canada in the African mining industry. But with South Africas assets concentrated on its own territory, Canada dominates the rest of the continent.

The data compiled by the NRC demonstrates the speed with which the value of Canadian mining assets in Africa has grown over the last twenty years: at US$ 233 million in 1989, this figure grew to $635 million in 1995, and $2.8 billion in 2001, growing further to $6.08 billion in 2005, and $14.7 billion in 2007.(4) This total value is estimated to reach $21 billion by 2010.

In 2001, Canadian companies had operations in 24 African countries, a figure that had risen to 35 by 2007.

And 91% of Canadian investments were concentrated in eight countries, with the order of countries importance being the following: South Africa (25.6%), DR Congo (17.8%), Madagascar (13.8%), Zambia (9.9%), Tanzania (9.5%), Ghana (6.5%), Burkina Faso (4.7%) and Mauritania (3%).

It remains to be seen whether Chinese investment projects in the region will threaten Canadas position of overall dominance.

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API/Source.Pambazuka, by Denis Tougas – November 24, 2008.

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Zimbabwe: Country dispairs as crisis accelerates, says Annan

Posted by African Press International on November 27, 2008

Johannesburg (South Africa) – The crisis in Zimbabwe is worse than what The Elders had imagined, the trio announced in Johannesburg on Monday.

“We were expecting a gloomy situation, but the situation is far beyond what we could have imagined,” said one of the Elders, Graca Machel at a press briefing in Johannesburg.

The Elder’s delegation comprised former United Nations secretary general Kofi Annan, former United States president Jimmy Carter and Machel, an international advocate for women’s and children’s rights.

The three had planned to visit Zimbabwe during the weekend on a humanitarian mission, but were refused entry. They continued their assessment of the country’s humanitarian crisis in Johannesburg by meeting political leaders, aid agencies and business and civil society representatives from Zimbabwe.

According to The Elders there was not enough food to meet immediate needs and an acute shortage of seeds and fertiliser meant the harvest in April next year would only produce a fraction of what was needed.

“The number of people reliant on food aid from the United Nations and other agencies has increased from 2.6 million in October to 4.9 million in November,” said Machel.

Half the population of 10.2 million people would need food aid by January. The trio said four major hospitals – two of them in Harare – had to close their doors to almost all patients because of lack of medicines and basic supplies like water.

“Hundreds of women needing caesarean sections or other assistance to give birth safely are being turned away. Staff numbers are also falling as people make their search for food a priority.”

School attendance had fallen sharply from over 85 percent in 2007 to just 20 percent. Universities did not open at all this term.

Said Annan: “We knew when we planned the trip that the situation in Zimbabwe was serious, but what we have learnt in the past few days is shocking.

“It is not just the extent of Zimbabwe’s humanitarian crisis, but the speed of deterioration in the past few weeks that is worrying. The scale, depth and urgency of the situation are under-reported.” The Elders said the economic conditions and shortage of cash, mass migration and displacement were part of the crisis the country was facing.

Said Carter: “The signing of the September 15 agreement raised hopes in Zimbabwe and around the world, but failure to implement it in good faith and create a good workable power-sharing government is leading to despair and accelerating the crisis.”

The power-sharing deal was signed between the ruling Zanu-PF party and two factions of the Movement for Democratic Change.

He said regardless of the challenges all parties should make the welfare of the people their first priority and “put an end to unnecessary suffering of millions”.

Machel said there was no solution to the humanitarian crisis before solving the political situation. The trio made a “strong” appeal to the Southern African Development Community to be more assertive and urgently deal with the situation in Zimbabwe.

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API/source.Sapa (South Africa) – November 24, 2008.

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Press conference, on Zimbabwe humanitarian situation, by Deputy Emergency Relief Coordinator

Posted by African Press International on November 27, 2008

Addressing a press conference today at United Nations Headquarters in New York, Catherine Bragg, Deputy Emergency Relief Coordinator in the Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA), described the situation in the southern African country as “acute” and expected to worsen towards the end of the year. Currently, there were slightly less than 4 million people who were considered food insecure and in need of food assistance. That number was going to rise as the “hunger season” approached, traditionally between January and April. Without massive international assistance, the situation is going to get much, much worse.

Her appeal came on the heels of Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon’s statement on Zimbabwe yesterday and the launching of the consolidated appeal for that country earlier in the week.

She told correspondents that what was prevailing in Zimbabwe today was not just a food insecure situation; it was also a multisectoral humanitarian situation. There was now an outbreak of cholera in the country, which had spilled over into the country’s neighbours, as well. The number of victims of cholera had now reached almost 9,000 — the highest the country had ever recorded — and the number of persons who had died of the outbreak had reached 366 as of yesterday, which she said was a “very high mortality rate”.

She told correspondents that the number of cholera incidents at the moment, as well as the high mortality rate, was directly traceable to the fact that many communities now had depleted their ability to provide clean water, because of the lack of chemical treatment. Thus, there was now an urgent need for water and sanitation. It was also directly traceable to the collapse of the health system, due to insufficient health personnel, as well as insufficient medical supplies.

Also, she said, at the moment there was a breakdown both in health services and in education. There was now less than 20 per cent school attendance, in a country that used to have over 90 per cent attendance. That was largely because of teachers not being paid, or being paid insufficiently to cover even one day of transportation to the school. So, they simply did not show up. Further, students sometimes were unable to attend school because some schools in the country were demanding payments in food, which, of course, the students did not have.

“So, we’re very concerned about this very, very low level of school attendance at this point”, she said, adding that, in light of that dire situation, this week the United Nations had launched the consolidated appeal for 2009 for a total of $550 million, the highest appeal ever for Zimbabwe. Last year’s appeal had been just under $400 million and had been “very well subscribed”, and was, at this point, 75 per cent funded. However, that 75 per cent funded was for the original number. OCHA’s calculation, because of the changing circumstances and the fast-deteriorating situation, was that there would be a shortfall until the end of the year of roughly $2 million, before getting into what was needed for 2009. About 60 per cent of the $550 million was for food.

Continuing, she appealed to donors for continued generosity to deal with what she said was a “very serious situation” and also assured them that their aid was going through. “We are able to reach the 3 million beneficiaries who were in need of aid at the moment”, she said. “That is not to say that the operating environment is not challenging. In fact, it is very challenging. With hyper-inflation, the Government is sometimes accessible, and sometimes it is not; sometimes cooperative, and sometimes not.”

Responding to a correspondent’s question, Ms. Bragg confirmed the United Nations had completed a detailed and comprehensive study of the humanitarian situation in Zimbabwe and that was what the consolidated appeal had been about. The consolidated appeal was not just a funding appeal, but was actually a strategic overview of the situation, as provided by the participating organizations — the United Nations and the non-governmental organizations. A total of 35 such entities participated in the consolidated appeal process in the case of Zimbabwe.

Asked to elaborate on the general state of the health sector in the country, she said, in the last few weeks alone, there had been closures of major hospitals, because of the lack of medical personnel. Many of those personnel simply did not go to work, either because they did not get paid or they just could not afford even the transportation to get to work. There was also “quite a brain drain” of health-care workers leaving Zimbabwe itself and a severe depletion of medical and health-care supplies.

To a journalist who wanted to know what was responsible for the depletion of medical supplies in the country, Ms. Bragg answered: “Because of the breakdown in the whole economy, the government expenditure is, in fact, insufficient to support any of the basic social services. And that’s just one of the symptoms of it.”

Asked what the United Nations system was doing on the cholera outbreak, in light of reports indicating a lack of chemicals to purify water in the country’s major cities, she said the United Nations was part of a task force within Zimbabwe’s Ministry of Health set up to coordinate the response to the cholera situation. Also, because of the hyper-inflation now buffeting the country, the United Nations had recently managed to negotiate “the dollarization” of the humanitarian operation, thereby avoiding the foreign currency exchange rules of the Zimbabwean Reserve Bank, which tied all currency transactions to the local currency. That somewhat protected against wild fluctuations in the cost of delivering aid, she said.

Asked if anyone had indicated readiness to fund the end-of-the-year funding gap, she said that many donors were ready to fund the gap between now and the end of the year. No actual pledges had been received for 2009, because the appeal had only been launched last week, as part of the global appeal, and only two days ago, locally, in Harare for Zimbabwe. With the exception of China, which pledged a contribution whose details she did not readily have, no other donor had done so since the Harare launch meeting two days ago.

Given the political situation in the country, did she think there was “donor fatigue” within certain traditional donors to respond to the humanitarian crisis in Zimbabwe? another correspondent asked. Ms. Bragg replied: “I would think that the fact that the 2008 appeal has been subscribed to 75 per cent, making it one of the top three appeals we have globally, indicated that, in fact, donors are quite able to distinguish between humanitarian needs and any political development and their own political viewpoint. I would imagine that that would go forward as well.”

She added that OCHA had been talking to many donors about the funding situation in 2009, not just for Zimbabwe, but globally as well, and OCHA’s reading at this point was that the level of contributions would probably be maintained, rather than being diminished. That was largely because, for most of the donors, their budgets for 2009 had already been allocated.

For information media not an official record

Source: United Nations Department of Public Information (DPI) – Date: 26 Nov 2008

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Why Wait to Have Sex in Marriage? A man’s perspective

Posted by African Press International on November 27, 2008

A POST SEND IN BY MERCY NJUGUNA

I honestly never understood really why my folks used to advise me not to have sex before marriage?I was so stumped and i thought that all their blubber was just a bunch of mumbo jumbo.Since i was a child,friends and relativs remarked that i was a boy with a very strong will.So i was so determined to prove that their philosophy was flawed.

Yo i got so burned and now I REALLY REGRET EVERY SEXUAL ENCOUNTER I HAVE EVER HAD.I at times feel so cheap though i have gotten over my mistakes.I now want to share you the meditations of my life and hope that someone out there will learn from my mistakes.I am just 23 but i believe i possess some wisdom collected from my mistakes.

So why wait? Really why Wait to Have Sex in Marriage?

Some wait for sex… but why?! There’s a saying that goes, “The best plan is to profit by the folly of others.” That’s what this article is about. I want to share with you a few things I’ve learned — the hard way — concerning girls and relationships. Specifically, I’ve jotted down ten reasons why I’m now waiting until marriage to have sex.

1. I now know that sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

During my sexpades in high school and a bit in campus,I remember having an experience that I referred to as a “love hangover.” After being with a girl, the next morning I always felt an emptiness.I was soooooo sooooo empty and almost suicidal. Media told me sex was the in thing and that i would get fullflillment.WHAT A BUNCH OF LIARS!!!That’s something you won’t see on TV or in the movies, but it happens a lot. There was emptiness, even regret, afterwards.

The “love hangover” was a strange occurrence for me. Mainly because sex was my “god.” As a male, it’s what I thought about morning, noon and night. So you would imagine that having sex would have been completely fulfilling — the crowning achievement in the worship of my “god.” And yet, there was always a lack of fulfillment afterwards.

Has that been your experience, too? Have you ever had a “love hangover”? If you have, you should stop and consider, “Why is that? Why is it that sex, if it’s so important to me, leaves me with an empty feeling?”

I remember being confused by this emptiness. I then concluded: “I just need more [sex], that’s all.” (We often think this way about stuff we hope will fulfill us, then doesn’t. For example, we get the car we’ve always wanted, but then it’s just “okay” after awhile. Instead of realizing that a car can’t really satisfy us, we usually make the error of thinking, “Well, I guess that wasn’t the right car. A different one will give me lasting fulfillment.”;)

But the emptiness continued. So, finally, I came to the conclusion that premarital sex wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It gets too much hype. It’s not what the movies make it out to be. If it were, it would be completely fulfilling. There wouldn’t be any “emptiness.”

2. I now want to be more honorable toward women.

I’ve found that girls often don’t fully understand what’s going on when it comes to sex. That is, their perspective on the whole thing is very different from a guy’s. Often a girl will justify sex by saying, “But I love him,” even if she doesn’t really want to go through with it. Why does that happen? It’s been said that, “Girls use sex to get love; guys use love to get sex.”

This is how it works: the girl is picturing marrying the guy some day; the guy is picturing everything he wants to do with the girl before he goes back to tell his buddies about it. And while something inside her is telling her it’s the right thing to do, something inside the guy is telling him just the opposite, yet he proceeds. Why? For the physical pleasure no doubt, but also, I think, for another reason: it makes him feel like a man. But there is a great irony in that, for what is manly about deceiving a woman?

Something I’ve discovered is that, when you honor a woman, you are honoring yourself. Why? Because someday you will have regret, and the regret will last much longer than the pleasure. In the movie Rob Roy, the main character says, “Honor is a gift a man gives himself.” When you honor a woman by doing what you know to be right in your heart (that is, what’s in her best interest), you honor yourself and insure that you will have no long-lasting regrets to live with.

3. That’s somebody else’s wife.

Here’s what I mean: most of the girls I’ve been with are now married to other men. When I put myself in the shoes of those men, I wish that I hadn’t done what I’ve done. In fact, I might even like to punch myself in the nose for it.

And so it goes without saying that when I get married, I’m not going to like the idea that someone else has had his way with my wife. What about you? Do you like the idea of someone else being with your wife? If you have a girlfriend now and feel that way, think of how much stronger that feeling will be with your wife someday.

You can even take it a step further. That girl is someone’s daughter. What if she were my daughter? Or what if she were my sister? Would I want some guy like me taking advantage of her? I now see girls from a different perspective. They’re someone else’s future wife, someone else’s daughter, sister, etc.

4. Sex has killed my best relationships.

For example, I now have a college sweetheart and now things are so thicjk between us and fear we might break up and be heart broken just because we had sex before marriage.I really love her and i pray day and night that we do not break up.I LOVE HER SO MUCH, the girl of my dreams. With her, there was never a dull moment. We totally “clicked.” We waited for awhile, then, through my initiation, we started having sex.

Sex soon became the focus of our relationship. I stopped wanting to get to know her on any other level. And so, instead of growing closer together, we actually started drifting apart.

That’s what I mean by “sex killed my best relationships.” People can relate on many different levels — emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship. As a result, the relationship as a whole started to go south. We might still be together today if we (I) had waited.

I’ve seen this happen with countless relationships, not just others of my own, but those of many other people. And I think there’s a reason for this, which I’ll explain next.

5. Sex before marriage ruins the other

parts of the relationship.

For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl. As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time.

The two things were this: 1) I lost respect for the girl (even though I didn’t want to); and 2) she began to mistrust me (even though she didn’t want to).

I don’t know why this happened, I just know that it did. Maybe it’s just built into “the system.” But one thing’s for sure: I’m not alone. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. I know many people having marital problems because they engaged in premarital sex. They go into the marriage with lack of respect and lack of trust, two absolute necessities for the health of any marriage.

I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of this–he doesn’t respect her, she knows it, and she doesn’t trust him, so she doesn’t want to give herself to him. It’s very sad, and more common than you might think. But nobody talks about this kind of thing in public. And the movie and TV portrayals of couples having sex before marriage never present it either. It’s like no one wants to acknowledge that it’s happening, even though it is.

6. Waiting to have sex with my wife

will mean better sex in my marriage.

Why? Because we’ll go into the marriage with me having more respect for her and her having more trust in me. One thing I’ve learned: if a girl doesn’t trust a guy, she doesn’t want to give herself wholly to him. Deep down, she doesn’t really enjoy being with him.

This is how it works. Since “girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex,” a couple will have sex before marriage. The girl does this to hold on to the relationship. The guy does it because he wants it even more than the relationship itself. Then, after the marriage, the woman has what she wants: a commitment from the man. So she doesn’t need to use sex to get him anymore.

And, because she may be harboring resentment because he had sex with her before they were married, she is now not interested in sex. And the guy — who doesn’t treasure his wife because of the sex before marriage — still wants sex but not as a total bonding experience with his wife. It’s just sex, which she figures out. So, there is a lousy sex life in the marriage.

I’m not making this stuff up. Now that I’m out of college and many people around me are getting married, I’m seeing it happen all the time. The antidote: waiting for marriage to have sex will give the man a greater respect for his wife and the woman a greater respect for her husband. And consequently they’ll have better and more frequent sex because they respect each other more and love each other more deeply.

7. Not having sex with other women will mean better sex in my marriage.

Sex is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between people, even if we call it “casual.” The problem is this: the more I bond with other girls, the less I’ll be able to bond with my future wife. It’s like a piece of skotch tape — the more you use it on different surfaces, the less it sticks to things. After awhile, it won’t stick to anything.

If I bond with other girls before I get married, I won’t be able to bond as well with my wife someday. I won’t cherish her as much as I could have, and consequently I won’t love her as much as I could have. Each day that passes that I’ve remained faithful to my future wife means that my relationship with her will be better.

It’s a funny thing: our culture decries adultery, yet it freely condones premarital sex, even with multiple partners. That’s ironic. Because, if you take the element of time out of the equation, premarital sex is adultery. We can imagine how adultery would greatly injure a marriage relationship, maybe premarital sex actually has nearly the same result. It injures the potential bond between a man and a woman.

8. I don’t have to sleep with a woman to know if we’re “sexually compatible.”

Sex is meant to compliment a relationship, not be the most important aspect of it. That’s what I’ve found out. It’s supposed to be the icing on the cake when all the other aspects of your relationship are working well.

I’ve come to understand that the sex will be good if the rest of the relationship is good. That’s why I know I don’t have to sleep with my future wife to find out if we’re sexually compatible. If we get along in every other area, the sex will be fine.

Something else needs to said here. Another thing I think I’ve “discovered” is this: when you place sex as the determining factor of the relationship, it will probably result in poor sex. Think about it. If you put your sexual relationship under a microscope, always judging it and judging the relationship by it, it’s doomed to fail. It’s like being in prison. You’re locked in to something that is supposed to be freeing, not incapacitating.

But, when you focus on the other parts of the relationship, and the sex isn’t the focus, then you’re freed up to have a more enjoyable sex life, with no pressure of having to make it always spectacular. (Because it won’t be.) And yet, I don’t think that as a college-age adult I was capable of not focusing on sex, that is, unless it wasn’t present at all. That’s why I think it’s best to wait altogether.

Do you feel me?!!!!Does someone out there feel me?!!!!or am i walking alone.I thank God for His abudant grace that has kept me still standing!!!!!

Love you all.

Keep loving and you will be a success in

this life and you will be proud of yourself!!!

Posted in AA > News and News analysis | 3 Comments »

 
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